As a coach, and a high “S” on the DiSC profile (“Steady”), you are very interested in people, and a great listener; some may even tell you that you “really get where they are coming from.” Since you value experience, you usually advance in your coaching niche. You are reserved, relaxed and do not exhibit a lot of the high and low emotions that we tend to see in our “D” and “I” personalities.  It is easy for you to “Champion” your client and people gravitate to you because you have a calm and open demeanor. You may need to focus on holding your client accountable and give more than a nudge to them.  Be willing to draw boundaries with clients to avoid allowing them off the hook. And, as an “S” you don’t like surprises so the pre-call coaching form is a must for you.

How do you coach someone who is an “S”?  They will most likely be somewhat resistant to change, so they may need your encouragement to take action at first. Help them to set goals and a clear action plan. And an “S” client values your opinion so be careful when they ask for advice.  Help them understand the importance of getting things done (tasks) while helping them balance relationships and if you can help them see where others will benefit, it is easier for them to take action.  Our “S” clients like harmony and are not comfortable with confrontation and they like structure. Although they don’t like to control others, they do not like to be controlled nor surprised.

In a future post, we will look at the “C” – the  Compliant (Melancholy…the Beaver)

Our self-talk turns words, thoughts and feelings inward and  can either become limiting, self-sabotaging beliefs or empowering and inspiring beliefs . Imagine if you had a best friend who talked to you the way you talk to yourself sometimes.  How long would you keep that friend around?

At some point, most of us have been blessed to experience positive people in our lives who affirmed us and believed in us, even when self doubt crept in or when we were losing sight of a dream.  Maybe it was a high school coach, a  Sunday school teacher, parent, spouse, sibling, or friend.  Do you remember the kind of encouraging words the person used? I remember my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Anthony. Each time she handed out a test, she would smile at me and say, “Oh I feel you are going to get another A.”   I always studied for her tests because she raised the bar and expanded my vision and I wanted to meet that goal.  And, her words played over and over in my head as I was studying for her tests,  “I am going to get another A.”

One of the nine “IAC Coaching Masteries” is “Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential“.  When the coach sincerely “demonstrates belief in the client’s potential”, without going over the top or being a Pollyanna, the client is more willing to take actions to step out of their comfort zone, and challenge their self limiting beliefs.  As a coach, you can encourage your client  to pay attention to their self-talk and focus on positive affirmations using words, pictures and feelings to imprint positive self-talk.  It is amazing how a client can begin to see themselves differently when they imprint these new pathways in the brain over a period of time.   A shift begins to take place, and as their confidence grows, the client is more motivated to take action and accomplish more.   Speak encouraging, affirming words into their life and make a request for them to adopt a new habit of speaking positive affirmations daily.  One technique your client can use is to write them on  index cards and read them each morning and in the evening.  And, you can help them understand when they catch themselves speaking negative self-talk,  to immediately correct it by saying, “that ‘s not like me anymore”... and immediately change the words into a positive statement.  Parents, think of how you can help your children build a strong self image by guiding them to change their negative self-talk into more positive self talk.

Maybe this is a good time to review the free MP3 recordings of positive affirmations that I posted in my bl0g last week.   Someone asked me to share one of my favorite affirmations…  one of my favorite affirmations is “I am a beloved daughter of the Most High God,  the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega.  He lives inside of me. I am known and loved by God and I am highly favored.”

What is your self-talk?  How can you build up yourself and others with your words?  When will you start?

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverb 23:7

A well known verse Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

And we also know that the Bible encourages us that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Quoting Scripture can be a great way to “affirm” yourself and to remember the positive.  Using your favorite verses to help put you in the right perspective is a good place to start.  There are also great quotes that can help you to do so as well, or just things that you remember that you have learned over the years through your Christian walk.

Some of these may include:

I am a child of God. John 1:12

I am God’s masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10

I do not fear because God strengthens me. Isaiah 41:10

I am full with the joy of the Lord. Isaiah 42:10

I do not fear because God strengthens me. Isaiah 41:10

Through prayer, the peace of God guards my heart & mind. Philippians 4:7

Take some time to write down some affirmations that you can use in your daily life.  Then give it a try and see what they can do for you.

What are some of your favorite affirmations?  Do you feel that using affirmations in your daily life has been a help to you?

Listen to audio of 25 spoken affirmations.

As a coach,  who is an “I” on the DiSC profile (“Influencer), you are very interested in people, more so than the tasks, and find it more natural to talk than to listen. You are naturally intuitive and empathic with others.  You really do “feel” where they are coming from, and since you are highly creative, you will have to remember to hold back some of your own ideas. Remember, the goal of coaching is to help your clients discover and be creative.  You probably walk and talk fast so be careful with your clients… let them set the pace. Your clients appreciate how much you care about them and the trust usually goes deep. Your clients are more than “clients” to you.

So, how do you coach someone who is an “I”?  They will most likely start strong and may begin to lose their momentum.   They are not task oriented so help them to write down  SMART Goals.  Our Influencers have a lot of ideas and are very creative, so helping them to craft their action plan, accountability and follow through are very important. As their coach, help them to keep the focus and ask them for updates.  The playful, fun loving otter is the animal that best describes the personality of an “I” so keep in mind they are social, want fun in their work, and love to be acknowledged for accomplishments.

In a future post,  we will look at the “S” – the Steadiness personality (Phlegmatic …the Golden Retriever)

Renewing your mind involves spending time in God’s Word.  It is very similar to what we think of as “physical feeding” except it is spiritual”food” for our souls.  Much like a new seed needs water to “grow” we need spiritual food and water to grow spiritually and for our minds to know the truths in God’s word and God’s plan we must spend time in God’s word, renewing our minds. As the Bible says in John 15: 1-8, we must stay connected to the vine in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle and bear spiritual fruit,

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”  (NIV)

Maintain a healthy mind, grow in God’s truth and know His plan for your life, by staying connected to Him daily through prayer and studying of His Word.

And, what if you are coaching a client who has a preferred communication style of a “D”? You will want to “get to the point” and appreciate brevity.  Keep in mind that “D’s” are visionary about their future and they like brainstorming.  They make quick decisions and are  results oriented so one area you may want to help them is to ensure they are considering how their decisions will impact others, and help them think through obtacles.  They are ready to jump right in and can sometimes  “Ready, Fire, Aim.”  Since  “D”‘s are results-oriented, their personal lives and relationships can be out of balance so help them focus on the relationship side and be appreciative of  “this moment”  instead of “tomorrow”.

Watch for a future post on the “I” – Influencer as a coach and client.

Some great social media sites to get started with include Twitter, Facebook and Linked In.  These sites will allow you to build a community, create relationships and enjoy conversation.  For the Christian coach the idea of using these tools should be about building relationships.  Your efforts should go into helping others to succeed, providing encouragement, and pointing  them to your website and your services.

You can do this by introducing your followers to others that you know who would benefit from the relationship.  On Linked In use the “recommendations” tool to write glowing reviews of your colleagues which will help them in their quest to find connections.  Join groups and “Like”  others Fan pages on Facebook to help promote them as well.

Another way that you can pay it forward with your business online is via your own website or blog, a great promotional tool is to host a giveaway, give of your time and talents by offering a free coaching session to a reader. You may have reader’s comment on a particular post to enter or have them tweet about the contest to gain extra entries.  You will not only create a buzz about your site but you will also help someone else in return.

Whichever way you choose to get involved in social media begin with the idea of paying it forward and you will surely succeed.

That may be true, but it is important that we learn to say, “no”.  Saying no fits in with drawing boundaries, having margins and good self care.  All three are important for us to ultimately live our lives in a way where we don’t feel overwhelmed.  Most of us have enough on our plates than to be a “yes” man or woman to everyone who comes at us with requests, even good requests like serving on a committee at church.  The fact is the requests themselves aren’t a “bad” thing but over committing and overextending ourselves can be.

The truth is you do not have to over explain or defend yourself when someone comes to you with a request that you know you do not have the time or energy to fulfill.  The important thing is to be honest with them about your time commitments and your need to set boundaries in your life.

You must realize that over time saying yes to every request can make you feel negative, obligated and may lead to resentment for you in the future.  It is not worth risking this and your personal life to say “yes” to every request that comes your way.  Simply learn to say, “No” with grace.

In preparation for the weekly session, most coaches use a weekly prep form. I use a form regularly with my clients and it is simple and to the point. I keep it simple and basically  want the answer to 3 questions.   I ask 1) what went well the past week 2) where you had challenges  and 3) where you want to focus the time on our upcoming session.   Remember, you (the client) set the agenda so be specific on where you want to focus.   Spend a few minutes of quiet time prior to each session and come prepared.

Coaching is about change and forward movement.  Your coach will challenge you and make requests for you to take specific actions.   If you say yes to a request, get into the habit to follow through on your commitments to get the most of the coaching relationship.  If you know you will not be able to meet the request, be open and honest with your coach.  You hired a coach to get maximum results that you have not been able to accomplish on your own.  Be prepared to be challenged.  Your coach wants the best for you, and wants you to be successful. It ‘s about YOU, not the coach so be true to yourself.

Your coach will ask you for feedback along the way and I encourage you to give feedback on what is working for you in the coach relationship, and what isn’t working for you. Sometimes you may find that you work well with a coach and the relationship may last months or even longer.   This is a partnership and when it works well, be prepared to see major positive changes take place.  Celebrate with your coach the milestones along the way.

How have you worked in a coaching relationships as a coach or as a client? What worked well?  What didn’t work well?

1 Ask for permission to give feedback:  (ex. John, may I talk with you about the meeting this morning?” ) Yes, you read correctly. I suggest you ask the employee if you can speak with him about the situation. And what if the employee says no?  Well, asking permission lets the employee know up front that you have feedback and if you consistently ask, whether it is constructive or positive, this builds trust between you and the employee.  If the only time you ask to give feedback is when it is constructive, then you are right, the employee is going to think “oh here we go again – always something negative”.   Ask consistently and build a trusting relationship. And, it is ok if the employee says “now is not a good time” because you can let them know there needs to be time set aside, and you can respect that now may not be the best time. Follow up with,  “when will be a good time, this is important.”  Get it on the calendar.

2  Describe the employee behavior, whether positive or constructive. For example, “From my observation, John, when you posted the powerpoint on the resource page, you (fill in the blank – describe what employee did)

3. Describe the impact (did it have a negative or positive impact) - In one or two sentences, no need to go on and on. Make your point.

4.  Either ask for response or encourage to continue:

If constructive: Ask for a response and then be silent – let the employee respond ( ex. How can you approach it differently next time?) If positive feedback,  then simply encourage the behavior to continue  (I appreciate the extra time. Thank you) And, remember all constructive feedback should be given in private and that goes for the corporate world or in a family situation,  like giving feedback to your children.   Keep the constructive feedback focused on solutions and not the person.

If positive: Positive feedback, on the other hand, is very acceptable in public,  a pat on the back is always good to hear among a peer group.  Yet, some still prefer to receive positive feedback in private.  Not all employees are equal in how they receive praise.. get to know each employee .. if in doubt, ask.  Oh, and for the DISC fans out there, if you are a manager of parent of a High I, they love to receive appreciation in public.  In fact, it is one of the best ways to motivate a High I…. appreciation.

Stay tuned for future article on how to receive feedback.